Bedtime Routine

Kids thrive on structure and routines. It's true. If you don't believe me, read this, or this, or even this. And if that's not good enough, ask any mom or teacher you know.

 As a teacher who has recently switched careers--resigning my teaching position to be a stay-at-home-mom (SAHM)--I have really been missing my structured day. While the pace seemed frenzied and hectic, (I think I had about 10 minutes to choke down my lunch most days) it still kept me focused. I knew what was coming up next. I was constantly planning for the next class, day, week, grading period.

Then, I had my second child, and routine and schedules vanished into thin air. My newborn dictated my schedule, and it was anything but structured!

That's pretty typical, but now that we have all gotten used to each other a bit (3 whole months later), I realized how much I have let my four-year-old's schedule get off track.

Now, I'm not a mom-nazi who thinks that we need to everything at the same exact time every day. I know I would never live up to that. I just feel better when I know what's coming up next. You  know...little things like remembering to feed my kid lunch, making them go to bed and stuff.

Here is a confession: Besides the painful act of waking up in the morning, bedtime is my Least. Favorite. Time. Of. Day. I feel a sense of dread as it looms ever closer. I admit it is mostly all my fault. Since I no longer have the pressure of getting up at oh-dark-thirty every morning to go to work, I have become a procrastinator at bedtime. I put off beginning the routine because it seems to take forever to get my 4yo through the process from start to finish. And the older she gets, the sneakier she gets. She requested no less than ONE HUNDRED hugs and kisses from me the other night. Where does she learn the art of procrastination so well?

The problem is that the nice mommy seems to go to bed way before the 4 year old does, and she's left with the cranky, impatient, over-tired mommy trying to force her to go to bed now. That's not exactly the image I'm going for.

So, in my effort to get her (and me) back on some sort of structured routine and avoid argument and frustration on both our parts, I created a Bedtime Checklist.

She loves lists. I suppose she gets that from me. She also loves dry erase boards and markers. (I have yet to meet a kid who doesn't.) So, here is what I did:

1.   I made a checklist in Microsoft Word complete with clip art for each step since she is just learning to read.
2.  I formatted it to fit inside the plastic cover of an old DVD case.
3.  I printed it and trimmed it to fit.
4.  I inserted it inside the plastic cover (as though it were the title cover of the DVD.
5.  I grabbed a dry-erase marker. (Yes, I have way too many of these because, you know, I'm a teacher, and we collect useless useful stuff like that!)

VOILA!! Hand dandy dry erase checklist.

Now, I know the list seems long. HOWEVER, I tried to make a shorter one, and my 4yo quickly informed me that I had left steps out of the routine. ((sigh)) I respected her wishes, and I let her help me create the final list. This also helped her feel ownership of the list, and therefore increased her enthusiasm, which in turn decreased the amount of begging encouraging I had to do each night. I call that win-win.

I also built in a reward system because I want to motivate her to be independent in completing this routine. What works right now (and is always subject to change) is receiving coins (pennies) for her piggy bank. For certain tasks on the list she receives a penny if she completes them by herself. We are currently working on the speed of the "Tidy Up" step, so I added bonus coins as incentive if she cleans up before I count to 10 (or whatever number is appropriate for the job.) This gets her moving more quickly--and consequently in bed at a better time. (Which also means my quiet time can start sooner!)

BENEFITS:

1.  My 4yo looks forward to completing the list for bedtime.
2.  We don't argue anymore. (at bedtime at least)
3.  We don't forget steps in the routine if we get sidetracked by a crying baby, ringing phone, barking dog, etc. She can keep herself on task even if I have to deal with other things.
4. She is learning independence and self-confidence.
5. She is building fine-motor and pre-literacy skills.
6. The other side of the DVD case is blank, so we can create unique lists for special projects or routines as needed. (Did I mention I have an entire library of empty DVD cases? But I can't get rid of them, of course. They could be useful some day.)

This type of routine could be helpful for children who have ADD/ADHD, fall into the Autism spectrum, or otherwise have issues that make focusing difficult. (Or, let's face it, most kids' attention spans are usually much shorter than we would like during transition times.) For children who have difficulty focusing or have trouble with multi-step directions, I would recommend decreasing the number of steps in the routine and adding the use of a timer for each step. Once they master the few steps, add another step--one by one--until you build up to the full routine.

 Build in positive rewards for timely completion of the activity, or record the time and try to beat the "best time" like a race. Some kids focus better when there is a bit of competition. By competing against themselves--and not siblings--they avoid the pitfall of comparing themselves to others, which can add to a negative self-image. 

Another idea that I have used: Create a checklist and insert it in a sheet protector. Award stickers for each completed task throughout the week. Build in daily and/or weekly rewards for completed tasks. If you buy the acid-free stickers, they will peel off of the plastic at the end of the week, and you can start over. The only consumables are the stickers. The DVD case is portable, but this method allows you to make it larger and more visible. Some kids like anchoring a routine to the same starting and ending spot each day (spatial learners). You can also get your child more engaged by picking stickers that he or she likes and allowing him or her to pick the sticker and place it on the plastic. You avoid marker on clothes and walls, and they are still building fine motor skills.

Still one more idea: Go magnetic. Create a checklist and either place it on a magnetic board or the refrigerator. Create two columns: To Do and Done (or Ta Da!). (Like the "in" and "out" boards in some offices.) Place a magnet by each step in the routine, and each day your child can move the magnet from the "To Do" column to the "Ta Da" column. This method is not as visually distracting, and it doesn't require quite as much fine-motor skills. If you have more than one child, you could put each child's name or photo on a magnet and use the same checklist so you know who has completed which task. Just make the columns and rows wide enough to accommodate more magnets. Soda or water bottle tops with magnets glued to the back are good for this too.

Our home is much more peaceful in the evenings since we have implemented this plan. I would love to hear what you have tried that works for you!